Verbal Kamasutra: Please Put your Willie Away

Please Put your Willie Away

3:54 PM Posted by Eric Bustamante

I'm talking to you Hilary. It's time for you put a muzzle on your man for the good of the Democratic Party. Don't get me wrong, I like Bill "Slick Willie" Clinton for the most part. I thought he was a great President when he wasn't getting break-time BJs (and by BJs I don't mean the hearty pizza joint) inside the oval office. That being said, ol' Billy boy needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut; alas, if only Monica Lewinsky had taken this same advice!

Bill Clinton has once again overstepped his role as surrogate to Barack Obama with another poor choice of words. Appearing on ABC's "Good Morning America", Clinton suggested that John McCain's decision to suspend his campaign and perhaps delay the first presidential debate was done in "good faith." Nothing could be further from the truth.

First of all, this facade of McCain's supposed campaign suspension is a joke. During this so-called "suspension", both McCain and Sarah Palin continued to conduct interviews with the media. McCain's campaign continued to run negative campaign ads across the airwaves and his campaign offices remained open. McCain's surrogates even continued to stump for him. On what planet is this a suspension of a campaign? Oh that's right, on Planet Reptune (clever eh?), where the rules that govern our universe magically don't apply to Republicans.

So no Mr. President, this suspension (or lack thereof) was NOT done in good faith. It was purely a political move devised in hopes of driving up McCain's poll numbers. Bill, you're way too intelligent to not see this move for what it is. Clinton then went on to praise John McCain's leadership in regards to climate change, prompting many to wonder whether Clinton is in fact a surrogate for McCain. This isn't Willie's only offense, either:

This same week, Clinton was hesitant to call Obama a "great man" when interviewed, but called John McCain a great man just a week prior. Look, I'm not here to qualify Obama's greatness, and neither should Bill. But don't go and praise the greatness of Obama's Presidential rival. What's next Bill, calling George Bush our greatest President ever?

And we all remember the plethora of false statements about Obama from Bill Clinton during the primary season. I won't specifically list those here since I'm not here to bring up the past, but you get my point.

We get it Bill, you have a longstanding relationship with John McCain, but this is a Presidential Election! I don't care if John is your soul mate, you need to have Obama's back like he's your brother from another mother. And did you forget that John McCain voted to impeach you? Well, only after he called your only daughter "ugly" at a Republican dinner of course:

Bill, you gave a great speech at the Democratic National Convention. You definitively made a compelling case for supporting Barack Obama when our divided party needed it most. But chillax, man. Put a cigar or even an erect nipple (on second thought, please don't) in those loose lips of yours. Hilary, I'm calling you out: Control your man and please for the love of God, put your Willie away!